That's Another Thing
by Opaque Opal
Summary: A parody/ranting. Disney based. Basically the characters reacting to how they are treated by the Hunchback of Notre Dame fanbase. Rated T just to be safe. R&R!
1. MarySues and General Stuff

Diclaimer**: **I own nothing

**A/N: Alas, school starts tommorow. But on the bright side, I got a quick idea for a story! This is due to the fact that drastic action needs to be taken. It seems everyday that more and more ClopinOCs come up on this archieve. And while I won't deny Clopin's sexiness, there are OTHER characters in the movie besides him. Besides, most of the OCs end up being obnoxious Mary-Sues. Also be aware I'm not trying to lampoon of one particular person. So if you have no sense of humor and/or get offended easily, turn away now. **

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_For reasons unknown, Clopin as well as most of the other protagonists from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame are locked in a room. _

"SQUEEE!!!"

"YOU'RE SOOO HOT!!!"

"I LOVE YOU CLOPIN!!!"

"DO THE PUPPET VOICE AGAIN!!!"

Cries and squeals similar to these rang throughout the room. Clopin was sitting in an armchair, looking thourougly delighted. At least thirty girls, if not more, were cooing over him. Some looked like modern day teenagers who had somehow traveled back in time. Others without a doubt came from the fifteenth century. Or at least, what was an _attempt _at trying to dress like they belonged at the period. Most of them dressed as Gypsies in outfits that not only were beautiful but entirely slutty too. Some even were cross dressing as _boys. _It couldn't be! But unfortunatley, they were Mary-Sues. A better half of them had ample bosoms and luxiourious blonde hair as well as fair skin. Others were sobbing intensely about how their mothers were Gypsy traitors and their fathers were soldiers working for Frollo. But somehow, their parents managed to fall in love. Then they sniveled as they explained how their mother died first (as often happens in stories) and how the father became a drunk. Overcome with sadness, they began their journey to the Court of Miracles where they were immediatley tied up by the burly skeleton men, only to fall in love with Clopin.

Meanwhile Frollo, Phoebus, Esmeralda and Quasimodo were standing in the corner, looking quite grumpy.

"Seriously, I don't understand why all those girls think he's amazing," Frollo grumbled, "I mean, he's a Gypsy! And everyone knows that Gypsies are sinners and deserve to burn in hell."

"You're such a hypocrite, Frollo!" Esmeralda said angrily, "you claim that I'm evil yet you want to sleep with me!"

"Whatever, I can't help that I'm lonely," he sneered.

"Well," Quasi reasoned, "probably all the girls like Clopin because we don't know much about him. I mean, he only appears five times as the narrator. Plus, you can't tell if he's good or evil since one minute he's doing puppet shows and the next he wants to hang me and Phoebus! And when you add in the fact that he's good looking and quite flexible, you've got your dream man!"

"Except he's balding slightly, has mild chest hair and a bulge for a belly," Esmeralda giggled.

"I heard that!" Clopin bellowed. He would've gone near his friends, but the fangirls and Mary-Sues were on him like ants on an abandoned watermelon rind.

Suddenly, a few of the fangirls and Mary-Sues drifted towards Frollo, eyeing him intensely.

"Get away from me, you sinners!" he cried, sticking out a cross in front of him like he was repelling vampires.

"Oh Frollo!" cooed one of the girls, "you're positively gorgeous!" And with that, she began snogging him while the other girls tried to join him.

"Ugh, that's disgusting," Esmeralda gagged. Staring at a Mary-Sue who was attempting a split, Esmeralda clenched her fists and made her way toward the girl.

"What's happened?" Quasi asked, inching his way over to Phoebus.

"One of those girls attempted to dance like Esmeralda. I swear, they just automatically assume that she won't be able to dance at the Feastival of Fools. Even if she was as sick as dog, Esmeralda would dance," Phoebus said confidently.

"That's another thing I hate," Esmeralda said, striding back over to them, "all these girls expect me to be their best friend! It's quite annoying because some of them only come to me for the best ways to seduce men. It's sickening, but what's even worse is when they try to override my existence entirely. Sometimes I'm not included in the story. Or if I am, she does all the parts that _I _was particularly assigned to do! Such as MY DANCE and standing up for Quasimodo."

Suddenly, Phoebus fell to the ground, groaning in pain.

"Phoebus, are you okay?" Quasi asked.

"YOU'RE SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON!" the Mary-Sue cried, whacking Phoebus with a wooden club.

"STOP BASHING MY HUSBAND!" Esmeralda roared, sending the Mary-Sue away in tears and lifting her husband to his feet.

"Why does everyone hate me so much?" he asked to no one in paticular, "I'm not a bad guy. I saved Esmeralda from being arrested after the Festival, I saved the miller's family from becoming barbequed, and I even saved Quasi from falling into a pile of melted lead!"

"It's not lead that Quasi used, it's LAVA!" cried one of the fangirls.

"No, it's lead!" Phoebus hollered back, "anyways, why would everyone hate me if I've saved so many people? Plus, Esmeralda and I are the only other biracial couple that Disney has ever created! So I don't understand why no one likes me if I save people AND marry a Gypsy despite the fact that it was frowned upon in the 15th century!"

"It's probably because you're so good-looking and Esmeralda chose you rather than me," Quasimodo said.

"But our creators tried compensating for that by creating a sequel where you finally get true love!" Esmeralda reminded him.

"Yeah, but the way they made us look was down-right horrible. I mean, did you see how creepy I looked when I had that rose in my mouth?" Clopin asked, finally able to come near them.

"And since I'm already ugly, I looked even worse," said Quasi glumly.

"Thankfully I didn't have the misfortune of being in it," Frollo said, managing to shake off the fangirls briefly to go into the conversation once more.

"That's another thing, I'm the protagonist," Quasi pointed out, "so without me there wouldn't even be a story! So you'd think I'd have more stories about me! Instead, I'm barely in them!"

"Why Frollo even has fans is a mystery to me," Esmeralda said, "he's a cold-blooded, racist, murdering hypocrite. Not to mention how he's so old."

"0mGz h0w cAN j00 $Say tHt?/!1!!1?!" asked one fangirl, "fR0lL0 iS SOOOOOOOO HOTTT! ND h3's rIcH 2!!!1!!! LOLZ! :)"

"Did that girl actually use improper sentence structure?" Clopin asked.

"You'd be suprised," Phobeus said, shaking his head in sadness, "it's a form of communication that 21st century people use called chatspeak. Apparently it can shorten conversations."

"Now where on earth is my Fangirl-to-Gypsy translation dictionary?" asked Esmeralda, patting her skirt.

"How can you even read?" Frollo growled, "women barely received proper education. When has it been okay for historicaly inaccuracies to be overlooked?"

"I couldn't agree more," said Phoebus, "I mean, some people mention us using things like _guns _and _mascara. _I think there was even reference to an _iPod!" _

"Oh, here it is," Esmeralda exclaimed, finally pulling out the dictionary, "apparently what that girl said was **'Oh my God, how can you say that? Frollo is so hot. And he's rich too! Laugh out loud! Smiley face'**."

They stared at each other, wondering what was happening to their fandom. Their integrity was being stripped down. What was to become of them? Unfortunatley, as fictional characters they didn't have a say in the matter. All they could hope was that whoever wanted to create stories about them would try and make the original characters stick to their true personality. And maybe, just maybe, the days of orbiting around Mary-Sues were over.

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**A/N: Finally, I got that off my chest. Please read and review! All types of criticism is accepted, whether it's positive, constructive, or even flames. **


	2. Author's Notes

**A/N: Well, this is a legit author's note. I actually wasn't intending to create another chapter to this. However, recent events inspired me to write a parody about authors notes. And not the legit ones, the ones when they start threatening people that they'll take down the story and whatnot. Because when it comes down to it, you shouldn't be on Fanfiction if you can't take the heat. So now, on with the show!**

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_For reasons unknown, Clopin as well as most of the other protagonists from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame are STILL locked in a room. _

After nearly a 2 month hiatus, the Hunchback characters were finally back in action. The fangirls were gone, the Mary-Sues had vanished, and overall, life was good. Esmeralda was dancing with her tambourine, Djali skipping at her heels. Quasi was making another wood carving, Frollo was reading a Bible, and good ol Clopin was sewing another puppet. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Phoebus, can you get that?" Esmeralda asked her husband sweetly.

"Alright," he sighed, clutching the brass knob. As soon as he opened the door, a girl tumbled into the room, bawling her eyes out. She had blue eyes and stringy brown hair. Her nose was quite fat and her chubby cheeks hid most of her mouth.

"What on Earth?" Frollo cried, looking repulsed.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!" the girl bawled, "I WRITE SOOOOOOOOOOO WELL AND NO ONE LIKES MY STORIES!!!"

"There, there," Clopin soothed, patting her shoulder and handing her a handkerchief "dry your eyes." Sniffling, she accepted it and blew her nose. Quite loudly, mind you.

"Aren't you from that organization?" Quasi asked, "you know, the people who were here last time?"

"Fanfiction?"

"Yes! That's it!" Quasi exclaimed, beaming.

"Well then what seems to be the problem now, Miss?" Phoebus asked.

"I was just writing a story about you guys, and then out of the blue someone said something REALLY mean!" the girl whined.

"Do you have a copy? Perhaps if we read it we can provide some constructive critiscism," Clopin suggested. The girl, who still was nameless up to this point, shot him a nasty glance.

"NO! YOU CAN'T SAY MEAN THINGS ABOUT MY STORY! ITS PERFECT! I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYONE HATES IT!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Looking fearful now, Clopin took several steps backwards. Calming down, the girl reached into her back pocket and pulled out a stapled paper. Taking it, Clopin began to read.

"Well?" she asked as watched him read.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Clopin exclaimed, holding a hand to his mouth and dropping the paper.

"If its making even a Gypsy scum like you sick then it _must _be awful!" Frollo sneered.

"No its not!" the authoress said defiantly, "it only talks about a girl named Liliana Maria Rose Smith who is a half Gypsy. Her mother died when she was young and her father was a drunk and she ran away to the Court of Miracles. And get this--Clopin falls in LOVE with her! Isn't that the most romantic thing _ever_?"

"No wonder you're getting bad reviews!" Phoebus exclaimed, "that plotline has been recycled so much the EPA even has a problem with it. And they're a bunch of tree-huggers!"

"And look," Esmeralda said, reading the description of the Mary-Sue, "you said how her 'lucious brown hair flowed down her bare back'. And her 'eyes glowed like sapphires ' and her 'slim nose complimented her rosy cheeks'".

"So what's wrong with that?" the authoress asked, "I was just using figurative language to describe her apperance!"

"But the girl is exactly like you but without as many flaws. Add that with the recycled plotline and Clopin falling in love with you and you've got a Mary-Sue. _That's _why no one likes your story," Phoebus said.

"And then you say upon glancing at my ugly face," Quasi added "how you 'weren't afraid at all and that I was even CUTE!'" Without another word, he put a hand to his mouth and ran to the corner to join Clopin.

"But why does everyone have to be so MEAN about it?" the authoress whined over Quasi's retching.

"Because part of becoming a great author is learning to take the heat," Frollo remarked.

"OH YEAH!" the authoress said, snapping her fingers, "I nearly forgot to tell you guys! There comes a scene when Esmeralda can't dance and Liliana gets to wear this GORGEOUS dress and--?"

"Wait, don't tell me," Frollo said, holding up his hand to cut her off "I start to lust after you rather than Esmeralda. Then you add in a bunch of chapters of angst and how I can't choose who is sexier. Then I procede to sing Hellfire and rant and rave."

"Actually, yes!" the authoress said, "you got that word-for-word."

"So what is your name?" Quasi asked curiously.

"My name is Lindsey," said the authoress, "but you still left out one very important factor."

"What's that?" Esmeralda asked.

"It turns out that Liliana was betrowthed to Frollo when she was four! So she has to decide who to marry: Frollo or Clopin. The very city of Paris lies in her hands!" Lindsey squealed.

"Good grief," Clopin said, wiping the vomit from his mouth.

"What happens next?" Phoebus asked.

"I'm not sure, now that you think of it," Lindsey exclaimed, "there are so many possiblities I just don't know what sounds better!" Then, her face contorted into rage, "BUT IF I GET ONE MORE BAD REVIEW MY STORY IS GOING OFF THE WEBSITE FOR GOOD!"

"Aw, how sad," Esmeralda said, sarcasm dripping off her words.

"People shouldn't flame my story anyways," Lindsey added, "its not nice."

"True, but life isn't a bunch of roses," Frollo said, "instead of dedicating a chapter about their woes to people they'll never meet, why not just use the criticism they supply for the better?"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! THEY HURT MY FEELINGS! WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT THE OPINIONS OF PEOPLE I NEVER MET?" Lindsey screamed, "IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT, THEY SHOULDN'T READ IT!!!" And with that, she opened the door and left the room, slamming it as hard as she could.

"Sheesh, and _how _old was she?" Quasi asked.

"It says in her story Liliana is sixteen," Esmeralda said, looking at abandoned Fanfiction.

"Well, she acted like a toddler," Phoebus remarked, "Clopin's puppet has more maturity than her!

"Hey, I heard that!" the Puppet squeaked, appearing on Clopin's hand.

"Perhaps people can learn from Lindsey's behavior. People won't respect you if you whine about your own work," Frollo suggested.

"Let's just hope that it works," Esmeralda replied.


End file.
